SOS; jumping thoughts.

Struggles of stress ? SOS  

Spending so much time nowadays pondering about my future. Feeling anxious yet curious, adventurous yet nervous. Why are we so defined by an outcome of these 12 months. I know exactly why but I still ask in hope someone can tell me we don't have to be. 

The future seems so close yet so far. I can barely grasp the idea that I'll be eighteen soon and high school is nearly over. It's so crazy and I seriously cannot wait for university life or life after high school or just HSC and at the same time be dead scared of it all. I hate uncertainty; & change, in a way. 

I hate not being in control. I hate losing. I hate being looked down upon. I hate being condoned. I hate being judged. I hate being discouraged. I hate being ignored. I hate being forgotten. I hate being taken for granted. 

I hate not getting what I want. 

Yeah I'm one of those people.

But I'm not a control freak, I congratulate achievements and support efforts. I respect choices, acknowledge the wise and thank the kindhearted. I remember the small things and give all the love I can. 

I try. And try. And try. No result.

Results matter. They're the only thing that matters on a first glance. And sometimes you're only going to get that one glance unfortunately. 

Ask for help ? What help ? Where is this help you speak of ? Is it helpful at all?

Maybe if I did this. Or do that. Or read this. Or write this. Start here. Start there. 

Ugh. Life is too short. It really is. I feel like I didn't even have a childhood. The Years Just gone. Come next time the grounds turn red and orange appear, things would've changed, again. 

Another new start, another new place, another new life. Whether you read that in an positive or negative tone, life is just one big experience before everything stops. How are you spending it ? 

Plan big. Dream bigger. 

Dreams are important I think. That's for another rainy night. Sorry this has been so disjointed and retarded. But you have gained valuable knowledge of nothing which will definitely be of use in your future endeavours. 

XF.